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Author Topic: Post your quick funnies here!  (Read 14377 times)

Aussie Bloke!

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Post your quick funnies here!
« on: March 16, 2015, 04:43:58 AM »

G'day everyone,....


For all those funny jokes you want to share,...

I'll start.


"A  Marine enters the Catholic Church confessional booth.

He tells the priest, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.”

“Last night, I beat the hell out of a Muslim”

The priest says, “My son, I am here to forgive your sins, not to discuss your community service.”





Aussie.
« Last Edit: March 16, 2015, 04:45:32 AM by Aussie Bloke! »
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soot shooter

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Re: Post your quick funnies here!
« Reply #1 on: March 16, 2015, 05:17:23 PM »

Good on Ya Mate! :f
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Kenny Solomon

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Re: Post your quick funnies here!
« Reply #2 on: March 18, 2015, 05:59:40 PM »



How come all Polish names end in "ski" ?

Because they can't spell 'toboggan'.




Why do they call a nose a nose ?

Whaddaya gonna blow...... your eyes ?




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Col. Craig

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Re: Post your quick funnies here!
« Reply #3 on: March 26, 2015, 06:47:03 PM »

Its a nasty chore that comes with long hair.  Yup, its that time again to clean the shower/bathtub drain.  Fortunately for me, the Boss has longer hair than I do and she is closer to the ground so the job defaults to her. 

Today as she began the task both the girl cats looked on with fascination.  It must have been like us watching a magician pulling things from his hat.  As the nasty greasy stinky glob was withdrawn from the drain the youngest kitty ran up for a closer inspection.  She sniffed at it a couple times then just outside the doorway to barf up a hairball of her own even before the Boss could get out of the shower!

The horror, the horror.  Poor kitty.
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Col. Craig

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Re: Post your quick funnies here!
« Reply #4 on: March 28, 2015, 01:43:55 PM »

Long time ago I use to save my 35mm film cans to use for little odds and ends in the hobby room or workshop. 

I just realized I have switched to prescription bottles without realizing it...  :eek:
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soot shooter

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Re: Post your quick funnies here!
« Reply #5 on: March 28, 2015, 04:48:17 PM »

I had too beer cans don't work to well! :rolleyes:
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Col. Craig

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Re: Post your quick funnies here!
« Reply #6 on: April 11, 2015, 10:20:50 PM »

Having spent 2/3rds of my lifetime mastering the fine art of therapeutic breast massage I consider myself an advanced master in the administration of the service and always at the ready to execute my skills anytime duty calls. 

I'm getting over a bad cold right now and just breathing is difficult work - everything I do is kicking my ass - I'm even tired of blinking at this point.

The Boss has begun her detour in life down the one-way road of menopause.  For the past couple of days her knockers have been aching.  She walks around the house working them like bread dough and/or rubbing in topical pain relief ointments.

Its all I can do just to work up the energy to quietly cry to myself in helpless shame of my own uselessness...

 :bk
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Barry in IN

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Re: Post your quick funnies here!
« Reply #7 on: April 13, 2015, 03:36:40 PM »

Here's a quick funny:

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soot shooter

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Re: Post your quick funnies here!
« Reply #8 on: April 13, 2015, 05:56:52 PM »

Thankfully we really are not Barry!  :f
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Barry in IN

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Re: Post your quick funnies here!
« Reply #9 on: April 14, 2015, 03:34:01 PM »

Same topic, but not funny:


Any H sticker or sign someone has the audacity to put up needs one of these over it.
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Seeing the world through a rose colored bombsight.

Who is John Galt?

Can't we all just get a long gun?

soot shooter

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Re: Post your quick funnies here!
« Reply #10 on: April 14, 2015, 05:02:38 PM »

Yeah but, "What Does It Matter"! is now running. Like the coon will turn over the reign [not a typo] to her. A Muslim will not allow a Jew to take charge! :eek:
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Col. Craig

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Men Really Are This Simple
« Reply #11 on: April 15, 2015, 04:57:02 PM »

A bride on the morning of her wedding day is getting prepared for the event with the help of her mother and grandmother when the following exchange takes place.

Bride:  Grandma, is there a secret to a long and happy marriage?

Grandma:  All you have to do is keep your husbands stomach full and his balls empty.

Bride:  Okay, but how will I know when to do what?

Mother:  If his dick isn't hard then you feed him!
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Col. Craig

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Re: Post your quick funnies here!
« Reply #12 on: May 12, 2015, 11:03:23 PM »

I subbed school bus driving today.  I have ridden the route but never driven it.  The entire bus load of kids were by far much better behaved than any of the other four bus routes.  So when I got back to the bus barn I told the boss I want to write-up the entire bus for good behavior.  As I was digging up an "Office Referral" form, which is used for discipline action, he says to me, "We have forms for an 'Atta Boy!  Use one of them"

The boss prys open a stiff drawer that is seldom used and it is packed full of little booklets similar to a receipt book.  These are the 'Atta Boy' forms.  The form says something like, 'A message from your school bus driver:  (fill in the blank) was behaving exceptionally well today... blah blah blah.'

So I begin to fill in the form with some comments of appreciation and I recognize the regular bus driver for her contribution as well.  While I am doing this, one by one, the other bus drivers stumble into the room.  As they do, each one in turn sees what I am doing, noses in, then exclaims exactly the same thing, "I have never seen one of those forms before!"  The exclamation is hilarious in that it is self explanatory - they are the drivers of the other four buses hauling around the Wild Bunch, etc.

Every time the comment was repeated it just kept getting more hilarious each time.

For my efforts the district office burned off 40 copies and kicked it back to me to hand out to every little brat as they got off the bus on the afternoon route...

 :bk
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Kenny Solomon

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Re: Post your quick funnies here!
« Reply #13 on: May 13, 2015, 07:23:14 PM »



Bubba Clinton is jogging in DC.  He sees a kinda cute hooker on one corner.  She sees him and yells out, "Fifty dollars for you !".

He's tempted, but shouts back, "Five !".

She gets a disgusted look on her face and Bubba keeps on going.

A few days later, Bubba's jogging in the same area and he sees her again.

"Fifty !", she shouts.

"Five !", the former president replies.

Nada.

A week later and for whatever reason, Teh Hilldabeast decides to Join Bubba on his daily jog.  Guess who they see...... Yessum, the hooker.

Before Bubba can say anything, or change direction, she shouts towards the pair, "See what you get for five dollars !".


 :p
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soot shooter

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Re: Post your quick funnies here!
« Reply #14 on: May 14, 2015, 09:07:39 AM »

Now that's funny right there!  :rolleyes:
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